Well, not really. They’re actually pretty alive and well. Those high energy, cut-up, dirty, synth-heavy, 128 bpm, super-compressed explosions on the dance floor have been rocking parties until the early morning for some time now. I have to admit, they still can be pretty exhilarating. Every other track that Crookers drops makes me say “that’s some sick, dirty shit.” But that’s the problem. You see, dance music has always been about sex, and sick, dirty sex is great, but you can’t do that all time. DJs can bang the shit out of their audience for a good time, but everyone knows you need foreplay for a really good orgasm. There are too many DJs out there doing quick searches on their favorite blogs looking for the latest bangers to download and then dropping nothing but those tracks on the dance floor. I mean, it works. Who can turn down a good fucking? But I for one appreciate that more satisfying dance floor experience, where the DJ teases me and works me over and slowly builds to that climax I’ve been waiting for. I like when the DJ explores and shows me sounds I haven’t heard before. Then not working just one area, but combining sounds that I didn’t know could be done at once. And none of that A.D.D. shit, either; you should work me over and do it thoroughly. Mash-ups can be nice, but I don’t like sloppiness. And finally, when I’m all feverish with pleasure and excitement, that’s when you start dropping the bangers. You see, I don’t have a problem with bangers by themselves, but DJs need to stop doing so much banging, and a little more love-making.

Osborne – “Wait a Minute” - Let’s keep the funk going, but wait a minute nothing too strong yet. Let me talk to you with my sexy robot voice.

Chromeo – “Bonafied Lovin” - I’ll give you the type of loving that makes you go “oh, oh, oh, ahh, oh”…

Midfield General – “Disco Sirens (Instrumental)” - OK, now time to hit you on the low end with my bass. We might need to sound the sirens, it’s going to get a little hot and sweaty.

Veronica Maggio – “Stevie Tech Nicks Barely Legal Mix” - But I always remember to keep it a little sweet, caressing you with those filter sweeps that only my house beats can bring.